Click one of the images below to see a handwritten version of this journal entry.

I broke up with Daryl. We’re really not meant for each other at all. We’re miserable most of the time when we’re together. He cussed me out the day we last talked to each other. He told me that he better not ever catch me with another man or he’d kill me. I half believe him, because he’s been hurt so much and because of his physical attacks on me in the past.

It just seems like the love that I did have for him has just died. I don’t feel that emotional connection or that mental connection. I don’t even feel a sexual connection. I could go on for days without ever having sex with or thinking about having sex with him; he’d argue with me about not wanting to have sex. The love and the connection is just not there, not like it used to be. So, I couldn’t pretend to be in love with him the way that I used to or force myself to have sex with him just because he “needs” me.

I still do care for him a bit, but I do not love him for all the shit we’ve been through.

It’s time for me to move on with my life now and not live in the past. That’s exactly what I’ve been doing. I broke up with him last August and, I got right back with him in January. It’s a new life now.

My work life is getting pretty hectic; I’m going in nearly every day. I’ll only have one day off this week (which the work week begins Friday and ends Thursday). I had this Friday off, which was my one day off for this entire week. Schools are starting tomorrow, so I’m going to be busy especially since there is a staff shortage. But I need the money, so I’m not complaining.

On August the 2nd, I went to Classic Chevrolet and got a black 2006 Subaru Impreza. My old hooptie died on me about two days before that. It doesn’t start or anything. I signed it over to my grandparents since they asked for me to do so. Maybe they can do something with it.